Jay Black
marlton, nj - http://www.jayblackcomedy.com
i'm a stand-up comedian who also writes.
House: Adverse Events
(S05E03) "You know, people hate people who have theories about people..."
Ah, House, the more you change, the more you stay the same. Whether it be a new boss, a possible fling with Cameron, a new husband for your ex-wife, a cure for your limp, the loss of your best friend, or Jodie Foster's dad from Contact, you always get right... up... to... the precipice of actual change... before you revert back to the same old misanthrope we all know and love.
Here's the thing, though: House might not change, but darned if the writers aren't geniuses at shaking up the supporting cast around him. Love it or hate it, tonight's episode was the solidification of the new direction we're headed in this season. So, what do you think of Lucas?
Ah, House, the more you change, the more you stay the same. Whether it be a new boss, a possible fling with Cameron, a new husband for your ex-wife, a cure for your limp, the loss of your best friend, or Jodie Foster's dad from Contact, you always get right... up... to... the precipice of actual change... before you revert back to the same old misanthrope we all know and love.
Here's the thing, though: House might not change, but darned if the writers aren't geniuses at shaking up the supporting cast around him. Love it or hate it, tonight's episode was the solidification of the new direction we're headed in this season. So, what do you think of Lucas?
Continue reading House: Adverse Events
The Office: Weight Loss (season premiere)
(S05E01) Is there a word that describes the feeling of "missing fictional characters?" If not, there ought to be one. Flurj, maybe, to take a word from last week's wonderful SNL cold open. As in, "I don't know about you guys, but I flurjed the hell out of Jim and Pam and Michael and Dwight all summer long." What about you guys? Did you flurj your friends at The Office? Well, everything is a-okay now. Your fictional friends from Dunder-Mifflin are back, and your good buddy Jay (quite possibly fictional, we're working it out in therapy) is back reviewing every episode mere seconds after it's aired! So, sit back, relax, and sharpen your commenting fingers! On to the review!
Continue reading The Office: Weight Loss (season premiere)
Six other politicians who have had their ways paved by TV actors
Dennis Haysbert recently claimed that his role as President Palmer on 24 may have helped pave the way for a viable African American presidential candidate. He went on to claim that his portrayal of Nelson Mandela in the movie Goodbye Bafana ended apartheid and that his role as Jonas Blane in The Unit cured polio. Haysbert was then wrestled to the ground by his handlers and is now "recuperating" at the Clay Aiken Home for Delusional Celebrities.My first thought upon hearing this news was that Dennis Haysbert is obviously insane. Since I've been criticized in this space for not having an open mind about insane things, I decided to take Mr. Haysbert at his word. I then went even further and went to work putting together a list of other politicians who exist mainly due to the hard work done for them by TV actors. After researching Wikipedia for almost a full fifteen minutes, this is the list I've managed to put together...
Continue reading Six other politicians who have had their ways paved by TV actors
British gameshow pornography - VIDEO
From 1986 through 2004, there was a popular English game show called Catch Phrase (we had a version in America, but like tea drinking and civility, we ditched it after only a very brief run). Here's how the bonus game on the show worked: nine blocks covered up a short video snippet. The blocks were removed randomly and the first contestant to correctly guess what phrase was being represented by the video won some British prize (like a top hat or a subcontinent or something).In the following video, the randomized blocks' perfect placement over the animation combines with the dirty-minded twelve-year-old that lives inside all of us to hilarious effect. Every time a block is removed, the animation just looks more and more filthy. Even better is the reaction of the contestants and the host, who, about ten seconds in, decide to abandon any hope of getting through the animation without losing their minds with laughter. The video after the jump.
[Via DIGG]
Continue reading British gameshow pornography - VIDEO
The New York Reality TV School (Parts 3 and 4)
Part Three: Never Retreat! Never Surrender!The lessons started in earnest. First was a philosophy that Robert follows in his own life, but that he felt worked perfectly for those seeking to be on reality TV:
Never Deny, Always Reply, Never Ask Why.
He repeated it several times. I won't do that here. Just, uh, read that sentence a few times and you'll get the point.
Essentially, the point of his philosophy was that you need to be open to all things -- you should never say "no" (never deny); you should reply to every request made to you, presumably in the affirmative (always reply), and you should never question the logic of what is being asked of you (never ask why).
Continue reading The New York Reality TV School (Parts 3 and 4)
The New York Reality TV School (Parts 5 and 6)
Part Five: The Money ShotAfter about an hour and a half of fake fights, thrown tennis balls, and clap after clap after clap, everyone sat down for a Q&A.
The students were able to ask questions of the following three people:
Robert Russel, the aforementioned reality show casting director.
Dave Martin, finalist on season one of Bravo's Top Chef.
Jorge Bendersky, "Dog Stylist" on Animal Planet's Groomer Has It.
I'm going to do something that I haven't done up until this point: report what happened without snarky asides or not-so-subtle digs at the students or organizers. This hour was actually worth the price of admission. If you're someone that is truly interested in the way reality shows work and what they're looking for, the Q&A gave some real insight into the process.
Continue reading The New York Reality TV School (Parts 5 and 6)
My day at the first school in the world dedicated to art of appearing on reality TV shows. (Yes, this actually exists)
As an intro to my article about The New York Reality TV School, I've asked Red from The Shawshank Redemption to narrate my opening paragraph:I wish I could tell you that the New York Reality TV School fought the good fight, and that the students in attendance were not a collection of mostly desperate people whose desire for fame burned more strongly than their sense of dignity. I wish I could tell you that, but the entertainment industry is no fairy-tale world.
Thanks Red. Now, if you, the reader, would be so kind as to click through to the article, it would mean a lot to me. Not because I get paid more for click-throughs (I don't; AOL pays me a flat rate of 60 cents plus a pound of corn husks for every post I make, regardless of the number of clicks), but because I spent three hours attending the inaugural class of the NYRTV school last Saturday. I just couldn't take it if the end result of that is an article no one reads...
Watch David Letterman open an old-school can of snark on The Hills' Spencer Pratt - VIDEOS
You talkin' about my hair? Well, all right -- What is that? A swim cap?One of the greatest all-time moments of my senior year of high school was watching David Letterman completely dismantle Madonna. She came on with the idea that she was going to set the agenda and really give Dave the business; I guess the sycophantic dancers in Madonna's pre-show prayer circle told her that she was really funny. Anyway, if you remember, she went toe to toe with the big guy and, to quote a phrase, she awoke a sleeping giant.
Letterman's cultural cache might be waning a bit -- he was beaten by Nightline in the ratings recently -- but his wit is still with him. Further, as the following clip with hair-product enthusiast Spencer Pratt will show, he can still seethe with barely controlled rage at our culture's propensity to elevate idiots to places of prominence. The video after the jump...
What is the appropriate amount of time you should wait before talking about spoilers?
There was some controversy today in our Top Chef winner's post. We revealed who the winner was before the jump (and without spoiler warnings). Our commenters -- usually shy and unwilling to criticize our site (ahem) -- let us know exactly what they thought of that decision (hint: they were not happy).It occurred to me that the idea of television spoilers is a relatively new one. I mean, after all, it's only been about 20 years or so that the majority of us had the power to watch our shows whenever we wanted to. In our parents' day, you talked about what happened on TV the night before without fear -- if anyone at the office missed the show, well, there was nothing they could do about it anyway.
What we need is a new etiquette. So, I figured I'd throw a post up and ask you guys: how long should you wait before it's okay to talk about spoilers?
Is all that fancy food talk on Top Chef just a case of Emperor's new clothes?
Last night, I watched the season finale of Top Chef. Faux-hawks and silly hats aside, this is one of my favorite shows. Seriously, I consider myself an honorary member of the Glad family of products.But here's the thing: I have terrible taste in food. I've been cursed with the kind of ugly American anti-palate that European foodies tell stories about to scare their kids. Let's put it this way, when it comes to restaurant choice, I care as much about the quality of Americana hanging on the walls as I do about the quality of the various fried food on my plate.
For me, watching people actually cook food (and care about it!) is nothing short of miraculous. Please, then, don't take this question as a criticism; it's something I'm actually curious about. Is all that fancy food talk on the show real? Or is it just a case of the Emperor's new clothes?
Continue reading Is all that fancy food talk on Top Chef just a case of Emperor's new clothes?
TV 101: Celeb-Security (OR: Another fool-proof plan to save the world!)
Judging from the amount of hyperbole being used each day on The Drudge Report, it appears that the nation might be sliding into an economic downturn. While a lot of you might be worried about this, I'm completely confident that the current presidential brain-trust will solve the problem and in no way will it lame-duck its way through the next seven months, leaving the economy's problems for the next poor schlub who gets elected.So while most of the big media outlets focus on silly, soon-to-be-solved problems like "the economy." I've moved on to bigger and better things. In fact, I believe I have found the number one problem facing the next president and some practical advice on how he might be able to fix it. This is a problem that affects democrats and republicans, the rich and the poor, the old and the young, the black and the white. I'm talking, of course, about...
Continue reading TV 101: Celeb-Security (OR: Another fool-proof plan to save the world!)
Screener Hell: Playboy TV's Foursome - VIDEO
Screener Hell is an semi-regular feature in which lead blogger Keith McDuffee tries to fry my brain with the worst TV has to offer. (S02E01/S02E02) Do you have any idea how bad a show you have to be to include several scenes of gratuitous nudity and still be boring!? I love nudity. The more unnecessary the nudity, the better. My favorite kind of nudity is that mid-'90s Cinemax nudity where the main character, despite her ongoing undercover investigation into the exotic world of high-class prostitution, decides to take a shower for 20 minutes for no good reason at all. I'll watch pretty much any kind of claptrap if it includes that kind of nudity.
But not this show. Not Foursome. There is no amount of tanned, taut Californian wannabe-actress flesh that could get me to watch another minute of this show. Please, don't think this is because I'm maturing; the show is just that bad...
Continue reading Screener Hell: Playboy TV's Foursome - VIDEO
The Reality Shows Have Writers!? Award: Winner - VIDEO
Like a lot of my TV Squad assignments, I went into this one under the belief that it would be a hoot. I figured that unreal reality shows would have a high camp value and I could enjoy them the same way that I enjoy The Last Dragon.Here's what I learned: Gene Simmons... Bruce Leroy you are not. The next time I refer to something as a potential "hoot", I've given my wife permission to beat me unconscious with a shovel. A severe beating would be less painful than watching another minute of our nominee shows.
That said, I did enjoy the process of figuring out which show would "win" this award. After careful consideration of the words of my wizened TV Squad colleagues and the input of our enlightened readership, we have finally found our winner.
Continue reading The Reality Shows Have Writers!? Award: Winner - VIDEO
Star Trek TNG Rap (OR: The video that might bring peace to the multiverse) - VIDEO
Cracked,I take back everything bad I ever said about you. Sure you began life as an also-ran copycat of Mad magazine and sure you dominate digg with a seemingly endless string of under-written pop-culture lists, but popularizing the following video makes it all better. Put it this way, I'm Kobe Bryant's wife and this video is a $4 million purple diamond ring.Be warned before you click through, however, this video contains both obscene language and a shirtless Jean-Luc Picard in bed with Q. Also, if you play it more than two or three times, there's a chance the nerd secret police will repel line right into your office.
That said, this might be the best silly internet video to come out in a long while. I'm convinced it will usher in a new world order, much like the music of Wyld Stallyns. If you're prepared for that, follow me after the jump...
Continue reading Star Trek TNG Rap (OR: The video that might bring peace to the multiverse) - VIDEO
The Reality Shows Have Writers!? Award Nominees
There's a bit by Patton Oswalt on his brain-meltingly good comedy album Feeling Kind of Patton regarding reality television. The short version: if we keep making reality shows, we will eventually run out of reality to film. (Believe me, the short version isn't even in the ballpark of how funny the bit is; go buy this album immediately). Like Arthur C. Clarke's predictions of geostationary satellites and floating man-god fetuses, Oswalt's vision of a reality-free future is eerily accurate. While our physical space hasn't quite been eaten by a giant white wave yet, the signs of reality's destruction are as obvious as the motivations behind Tila Tequila's bisexuality. Most glaring? The very words "reality television" connote an unreal experience.
After careful consideration, we at TV Squad, along with your input, have winnowed down the hundreds of possible candidates for "most unreal reality show" to these five...
Continue reading The Reality Shows Have Writers!? Award Nominees
Giveaway Monday: How I Met Your Mother season three DVD
Oops! Newspapers around the world use SNL pic as official Palin one - VIDEO
The evolution of TV Squad
